and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Never joke about your clitoris.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
