My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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