He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
