you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
