I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
