somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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