i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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