Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
