You can't special order awesome
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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