When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
