I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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