how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
