Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
