i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
