You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
