need another drink. this is the easiest way
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
