So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Randomize
