i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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