My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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