Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
