I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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