I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
