You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
