tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
