You work out of a Hotel?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
