I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
