Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
