We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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