I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
