I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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