His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
