I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
