I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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