Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
