The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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