Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
