Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
