he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
