You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
