three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
