i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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