moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
