Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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