based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
