I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
