It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just want to make out with him forever
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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