you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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