I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
