oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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