She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
