Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
