"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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