WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
